2017 A Year of Weeping
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qSN6ttLCh8
It has been a year of weeping
years past
at my nana’s services, I did not cry
at my mother’s services, I did not cry
my father’s services, I did not attend
I did not cry
when I put my last dog down
I bawled like a child
held that dog’s body tight against me after she passed
spooned in and held her till her body went cold
and held on long after that
on the floor in the veterinarian’s room
on the blanket I wrapped her up in that morning
to
bring her to this last part
I cried like a lost thing
snot, and sniffles and a confusion to my face
cried like a child
ache and not understanding
and the sharpness of not being able to fathom
I remember the gal that worked there
that I had gotten to know over the years
I saw her out at the pub six months after
I am not one to hug strangers
we saw each other and ran right into one another’s arms
for a good old-fashioned hug
and I filled up again
and she said how her heart had broken for me that day
told me another love would come
and it is now almost full five years come to pass
and I have been weeping most every day the past year
sometimes it is bitter and lost
sometimes it is sorrow and confusion
a few times, these tears even feel like a joy
like a soaring thing, like a goodness
sometimes I don’t even know why the tears
but I am trying not to squelch them
trying just to let them come
weeping in public even, without shame
or drama
quietly
just sweet tears
just sweet tears
just sweet tears
